I Love You, My Sweet Friend.

July 7th.

July 7th you left us, quietly and calmly and completely unexpectedly.

We knew something strange was amiss, but your bravado and vigor and strength always gave us hope that you would yet again push through.  It couldn't be anything that bad, right?

______



My dear sweet Smokey,

I missed you the instant I heard you were gone and begged and pleaded to have you back.  Do you remember when we met twelve years ago?  We travelled all the way to that pet store to get a different dog...not you.  You were never in the plan then.  They said there was only one mini schnauzer there that was salt and pepper.  So we went in and tried to find the other dog...

But then I spotted you.  Your cute face, your funny demeanor, your deep and soulful eyes.  I whispered to my mom "Can we play with that one??" and immediately she looked at you and said "yes!".  That other dog was there, but we never even thought twice about him.  You were the one that filled our hearts.

So we took you into the little play booth; Me, Brooke, Ashley, Mom and Dad all crammed in there to get to know you.  I knew we hit it off when you chased my shoelaces.

Other people knew you were special, too.  They knew it because they kept watching us, and kept asking the store managers if they could play with you when we were done.  Mom never let that happen.  She never let anyone else play with you except us.

It was so instant, so full of love.  We knew you were our family right then and there.

So we had to name you!  Remember when I gave you choices?  Right there in the store?  Brooke, Ashley and I thought of Ashes, because you were a dusty gray color.  But then we thought of Smokey, because your coat had shades of black and white which made the perfect smoke color.  So I asked you if you liked the name Ashes, and I didn't get a response.  But when I asked if you liked the name Smokey, you let out the cutest, high-pitched bark.  Smokey it was!

Do you remember that ride home?  When you were in that big cage in our Safari van and you were slipping and sliding all over?  It must have been quite the ride for you because the second we got home you promptly barfed on the kitchen floor.  But you know what?  That is exactly how you were.  You always made a statement one way or another.

You were always there for me.  Through my teenage years when I was full of angst and confusion and needed a friend, you never left my side.  When I got a bad grade, or friends went against me, or I broke up with a boyfriend, you let me throw my arms around you and just cry.  You never tried to pull away when I did that, you knew that I needed you and you stayed still as a statue until I was done.  You were my first love, my permanent friend, my buddy.

Do you remember how much you hated thunderstorms?  And how I would always let you in my room on my bed when you were scared?  Dad didn't want us to do that, but he let it slide when he knew you were scared.

Do you remember when Brooke, Ashley and I put popcorn on each stair going downstairs to teach you how to go down?

Do you remember how much you loved popcorn and sat at the microwave until it was done?

Do you remember how much you loved ice cubes, and how they always got stuck in your beard and you tried to find them?

Do you remember that time when you finally knew how to go down the stairs but you decided to take a flying leap down the staircase and you were airborne almost the whole way down?  If we had a cape on you and a video camera, we would have captured gold.

You were also one of the most demanding and high maintenance dogs on the planet.  You were the dog in obedience class that always got sprayed in the mouth with sour apple mist to try to get you to stop barking.  Did it work?  Nope.  Barking was your specialty.  Do you remember Rich and Cindy?  Our neighbors at the Sheridan house?  You loved to bark at Rich when he went outside.  He finally figured out a way to make you stop by taking a huge milkbone and crumbling it up and throwing it over the fence for you to find.  That would buy him at least 20 minutes bark-free.

Big changes happened in our family, too!  I knew you approved of my future husband the day that I saw this:

...and I was so happy that you loved Joey as much as I did and you showed it.

Someone was always getting into something around our house, and you always rolled with the punches.  Even when Dad decided to fly helicopters around the house, you were right there with him.  Do you remember how much Dad loved you, and always had you sit next to him in his chair?

Do you remember how overgrown and shaggy you got?  And how much we loved your beard?  Do you remember how Mom always said she loved you shaggy and Dad said he loved you shaved?

Do you remember how much you loved your toys, and how quickly you destroyed them?  Rope bones wouldn't last long, and neither would a stuffed toy with a squeaker.

But as you got older, you liked your stuffed toys.  The zebra and lion were your companions to bring around with you.

Do you remember when you got lost in the new house?  And you couldn't find your way back downstairs?  We would call you, but you would just bark in response as if to tell us that you're still lost!

Do you remember how annoyed you would get with us?  Don't say you didn't!  You would let out the loudest, most exasperated sighs when you didn't get your way!

You had immeasurable strength for a dog.  Your muscles were solid, your legs were powerful and you could pull me down the street when I tried to take you for walks.  Even 8 months before you left, the vets couldn't believe the strength and agility that you still had as an old man.

Do you remember when you got older and Mom and Dad put this cape on you because you had some tumors on your skin?  We know you didn't like it, but you let us do it and you never complained.

Do you remember how we tortured you with silly little things that we did?  You were outnumbered by girls, and it was only a matter of time before your toenails were painted and you hair was put in a ponytail.  You never minded one bit.  You just liked us around you.

That's how I will always remember you, Smokey.  That you loved us being around you.  You never once left any of our sides, and always looked for someone to snuggle with, play with, sleep with.

The silence that is left behind after you left is deafening.  You were the heart and soul of our family, and our constant companion.

Do you know how much my heart aches since you left?  Do you know that I miss you constantly?  I hope you liked having me as your pet as much as I loved you as mine.

Thank you for being the wonderful dog that you were for over half of my life.

Thank you for showing me what unconditional love is.

Thank you for being MY dog.  MY Smokey.

I will see you again one day, sweet boy.  But until then, say Hi to other family members for us.  And make sure you bark when you see me again, I will be waiting to hear you.

I love you, Smokey.  <3