Keep on keepin' on.

Today is one of those days where you find out some news that you just don't want to hear.  I work every Saturday and I was able to get this weekend off, which left me stoked.  Had a good start to the morning but then the hubs and I got some news that leaves me feeling like I should have never taken the day off in the first place because GROWN UP PROBLEMS.  Ah well, not going to let it get me down, there's nothing I can do about it in the immediate future anyways, so we need some time to process things and let it iron itself out.  One thing is for sure though, I'm sending up prayers x1,000,000.


If you know me in real life, people would probably say I'm genuine and optimistic.  I don't bullshit people.  I tell it like it is and help people with their problems and always try to leave them feeling optimistic and like they can change what's going on in their lives.  I always have been this way because I feel like life is full of so many wonderful things to experience and see that I don't want to waste my time being a crotchety pessimist at 26 years of age, and I don't want other people to, either.  I want people to be happy.  I love hearing people laugh and I love making people laugh.  I feel that laughter can cure a lot of things, and turn a lot of people's days around.  Plus, optimism can be a great defense mechanism, right?  It helps keep the scary things at bay; makes us feel like we can tackle them.  That's why we hope and dream and pray.  To realize that we can change our lives for the better, and that things don't always and shouldn't always stay the same.  Life would get really stale without any change.

But...lately.

I feel like I am becoming more and more of a grump.  I feel like I am constantly chiding myself for being optimistic and hopeful because it doesn't make a difference anyways.  I don't feel like laughing all the time, and I find that when people are happy about certain things, I get resentful and cynical.  But I hate this mindset because I know it's not true and I am happy for them, but I constantly feel trapped in a vicious cycle about my own worries and hopes and dreams and setbacks and...it's getting exhausting.  I hope something changes soon.  I WANT change.  I'm optimistic for change.  We have other exciting things on the horizon, and I feel like I'm getting caught up in the bad junk.  I think it's time to focus on the exciting stuff more.  I have to remember that my path is not someone else's path.  It is my own and God put me on it for a reason.

So here I am, with my happy hat on again.  I will just continue to fight the good fight like billions of other people in this world that have fears and worries and try to continue to see the good and hear the laughter.